Today She Is...

another year older! Hopefully she doesn't get too mad that I display her like this.



A poem entitled "For Dorothy", which today will be for Christy, by Marvin Bell:

You are not beautiful, exactly.
You are beautiful, inexactly.
You let a weed grow by the mulberry
and a mulberry grow by the house.
So close, in the personal quiet
of a windy night, it brushes the wall
and sweeps away the day till we sleep.

A child said it, and it seemed true:
"Things that are lost are all equal."
But it isn't true. If I lost you,
the air wouldn't move, nor the tree grow.
Someone would pull the weed, my flower.
The quiet wouldn't be yours. If I lost you,
I'd have to ask the grass to let me sleep.

Maid to Order

Christy has been out of town for the last four days, and I got to spend almost every waking moment with Gus, single parent style. We did lots of boy stuff: wrestle, eat bratwursts and watch football, get tatoos, drink beer, bash in mailboxes with baseball bats, etc. We had a really good time, actually, but I became acutely aware of the personal sacrifices that Mom's make. I'm not just talking about watching the trailer to Madagascar 2 twenty times in a row. Full time parenting demands so much time, energy, emotion, patience, and passion. And it is very rewarding, but not too easy and I only did it for a few days knowing that things would turn back to normal come Monday. I hope that Christy feels balance. If not we/I need to make every effort to ensure that she does. As Gus was walking around the kitchen with a belly full of Werther's Original mints, a diaper full of poop (not so minty), a transparent bucket on his head, and some chocolate pie stuck to the bottom of his shoe, I started thinking about maids.

One for Me



One for Christy

Seven Years

Christy and I celebrated our seventh anniversary last week. Things are going pretty good so far.

We went to Fresco Italian Grill up on 15th and 15th. She had the seared Ahi Tuna and I had the Lamb Tenderloin.

We ate well.

Christy's 100

Inspired by the very funny lists of our friends James and Dede, Christy and I have decided to make lists of our own. Since she has no forum on which to post them (at least that she's willing to share) I asked her if I could post them on my blog! Mine will follow in a day or two. So here you go, as written by my better half...

____________________________________________________________

Apparently there is a trend going around - to blog 100 things. I'm not exactly sure what 100 things they are - things you don't know about me? my favorite things? interesting and semi-embarrassing things about my past? Confessions? But, whatever it is, I can't not give it a try. I just seems so fun. So, here is mine.

100. If I eat something sugary in the morning, I want to eat sugar all day long.
99. My current job scares me a lot, but gives me satisfaction in facing what is hard.
98. Even though I feel like I'm supposed to, I don't really like peanut butter
97. and I don't really like shrimp.
96. When I am dressed nice I feel really cool.
95. I only shave my legs about once every two weeks and that seems to be enough
94. Whenever I hear that 'In the middle of the night, I go walking in my sleep' song I do the dance that accompanies it from 9th grade dance company.
93. Deep down in me there is a greener, more health conscience, book loving, exercise machine waiting to come out.
92. Because I am genetically engineered to be cheap and thrifty I sometimes have an urge to cheat or lie to save 30 cents here or there - I really try to supress the urge.
91. I always wished I knew all of the words to Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls -specifically that fast rapping part.
90. I do, or did at one time, know all of the words to Young MC's Busta Move
89. I memorize song lyrics extremely quickly - usually after only hearing the song once.
88. I really like to cook
87. I love watching Iron Chef America, Les and I both enjoy watching it together
86. I would love to be able to cook like a gourmet and very nutrisiously -the way they do at that pay-what-you-want-cafe (One World Cafe?).
85. I really think Gus is going to have a great personality
84. In so many ways I hope Gus turns out like his dad.
83. I love playing board games
82. I love winning board games
81. When I was young I copied everything my older siblings did, and now that I'm older, on a subconscious level, I still do
80. Like Dede, I still feel like I'm 18
79. I really miss hanging out with the boys the way we used to
78. One of the greatest sounds in the world is Gus laughing
77. I think I'm pretty good at making people laugh, especially my mom and Les
76. My feet stink a lot of the time
75. I've been wearing red polish on my toes for the last 11 years (this can be attributed to #81)
74. When I was in 6th grade a girl from another school labled me as 'big boobs, tiny waist, big bum'
73. I think I'm a pretty okay singer but I have vowed to never try out for American Idol, as I'm sure to make a fool of myself
72. I took tennis lessons every Summer for 5 years and I still can't play
71. I took piano lessons for 7 years, never practiced, can't play
70. I used to be a pretty good dancer, but considering the freestyle way I dance now Les doesn't believe I was ever good.
69. I don't wear makeup 5 out of the 7 day of the week.
68. I've been to most all of the classic vacation destinations: Hawaii, Mexico, Europe, San Francisco, Las Vegas, Southern California, New York City.
67. Ever since I was 14 I thought Seatle could be a good place to live, and I still think so
66. If I ever have a lot of money I would do my grocery shopping at Wild Oats and my clothes shopping at Anthropology.
65. I think I'm pretty good at convincing people....maybe I should go to law school
64. I don't really care what kind of car I drive, but I do like a car that can go fast.
63. Luckily, I never went through that awkward phase that middle schoolers usually do.
62. Being a mom is hard and I'm nervous to eventually have 2 babies to take care of
61. I know from many past experiences that my mom would do anything for me
60. I don't know how my mom raised the 4 kids in my family without going totally crazy considering all of the crap that we put her through
59. I am the baby in my family and because of that I felt an obligation to talk in a baby voice until I was almost a teenager. Les says that sometimes I still talk in a baby voice when I want a back tickle or when I want to buy a piece of furniture
58. I feel bad that I never did chores
57. I never realized until I got older that I am so similar to my dad
56. I know that in not so long from now I will become my mom and I'm okay with that
55. I did, do, and always will love candy
54. One year on Halloween I ate my whole bag of candy the night of. My mom said I would get a stomach ache, etc. but I didn't.
53. I double hate having big boobs.
52. When I'm not chubby I like my face shape.
51. I really love to sleep. That is one thing that is hard about being a mom - you can't sleep whenever you want to.
50. I can fall asleep just about anywhere at any time.
49. I didn't graduate with my bachelors degree. Some days I regret it and some days I don't. But, I really don't want to be one of those moms that goes back at 45 or 50.
48. I really really like decorating although I know there are a lot of people much better at it than I am
47. I am very good at being silly.
46. I ask my husband the same questions all the time: do you think I'm smart? do you think I'm nice? did I say anything stupid?
45. I try too hard to please people.
44. I often fall into the trap of trying to be 'the perfect everything' instead of just being myelf.
43. I think my siblings and my cousins are all very attractive.
42. I love going to Lagoon although I didn't dare ride a roller coaster until I was older.
41. Although my Dad worked with me often, I didn't learn to ride a bike until quite old as well
40. The first time I rode a bike on my own I almost rode off a cliff.
39. Ever since I've had a baby I feel weird:
38. I have a hard time concentrating on the road.
37. I can't remember simple words or names for things - thank goodness for Les being able to read my mind.
36. I am continutally surprised by the reality of a Mother's intuition.
35. I have an amazing marriage.
34. My dream car is a Subaru Forrester.
33. I don't pass on forwards.
32. I will never again ride on a Greyhound Bus.
31. I had a rough relationship with my mother-in-law at first but now I really like her
30. I have lots of ideas for books I want to write. I want to write a book about mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationships
29. I want to write a book called 'According to my Grandma Toni' with all of the old dutch sayings that she uses.
28. When my grandma dies I'll cry for at least a week straight
27. I went to EFY for 4 years and I loved it - especially the dancing
26. I kissed about 20 boys before I met Les, which he thinks is a lot, but that is not very many compared to my cousin Heather.
25. When Les and I first kissed there were serious fireworks going off.
24. My mom, although she won't admit it, has an obsessive shopping problem.
23. I also have a shopping problem that I am working on.
22. Before my CD collection was stolen I owned 5 Celine Dion CDs - I can't help but think of that thief going through my CDs totally disappointed in the selection
21. I think sometimes about how our grandparents must perceive the trends of today (peircings, tatooes, immodesty, vulgarity) and I like to think that my Grandma is proud at the way I turned out.
20. I've always had a strong sense of self, and strong self-confidence.
19. I've lost 50 pounds since I was pregnant.
18. Although I tried several others here and there, I have been using the same Pantene Pro-V shampoo since I was in 7th grade.
17. I have a really amazing extended family - I often want to brag about them, but restrain myself.
16. Lately I have seen so many women with facial hair. It is kindof freaky.
15. Once in a while when I'm driving around listening to country music radio I'll encounter an especially cheesy yet touching song and I'll have to quickly wipe away a tear.
14. I usually listen to talk radio in the car.
13. I am my kid's mom. (I love you, Dr. Laura)
12. I've noticed that Gus loves when I sing along out loud to the radio. He also likes to sing, he joins in during church hymns.
11. One time in high school I called a radio station who was trying to drive up rivalry between 2 schools the night before a big football game. I actually got through but I froze up and had nothing intelligent to say so I just said something like, "we're going to win... because... I don't know." It was stupid.
10. There used to be a show on MTV called 'Motor Mouth' where they would secretly pose a camera inside of a car and catch the driver singing loudly and passionately the songs on the radio, also with a little car dancing if you're lucky. I'll just say I would be a perfect candidate for that show.
9. I have a staring problem. It has come to the point that when I'm caught staring I don't even look away - I just smile at them as if to say, "Yeah, I was staring at you. It's okay though".
8. I'm not a big reader, which is maybe Les's thing he'd like to change about me; but recently, I've been infected with the bug just a little bit. I even joined a book club.
7. Les and I often throw around quotes from Jerry Seinfeld's stand up routines, Raising Arizona, The Incredibles, Conan, and The Simpson's, etc. And we've recently added Jim Gaffigan quotes to the repretiore. He's funny, man.
6. Les and I like to sing duets together while he plays on the guitar. Although it's not really in my character, sometimes I get into it and sing with my eyes closed because Les loves that.
5. My sister loves watching court TV. She has it on all day sometimes. I prefer decorating shows.
4. My sister's husband is going to Iraq in April and I try not to think about it because it makes me want to cry.
3. I think my biggest motivator to do what is right are my family's loving examples.
2. Writing these 100 things has taken me several weeks.
1. I like stuff.

New York City

Christy, Gus, and I returned this last weekend from a long seven day trip to New York City, part business part vacation. While we were there we did the following activities: Fun with friends (Adrienne, Michelle, and Brent), Time Square, Broadway play (The Drowsy Chaperone), Central Park, Patsy's Pizza, SoHo, Little Italy and genuine gelato and postres, The Museum of Natural History, about a hundred clothing stores, IKEA, the twisted Gordion knot that is the freeway system in New Jersey, Pampano (Modern Mexican cuisine), The Crown Plaza Hotel, Subways, Buses, Taxis, The Top of the Rock at Rockefeller Center, The Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Ground Zero, and the MOMA (Museum of Modern Art). Gus was an absolute soldier and garnered lots of attention in public transit. Christy was inebriated with the joy of the city. We will most certainly return at some point. There is always something waiting there.

We forgot our still and video cameras, but bought a cheap digital when we got there. Here are a few pictures:

iPod Squad Part 8, 7:00-7:59

Now these songs are getting kind of lengthy. This Mason Jennings song is a wonderful specimen of storytelling--the modus operandi fifty years ago, but something of a rarity in pop music these days. I love this Wilco tune. "I've got reservations about so many things, but not about you." Low proves that Mormon's can make cool music. This Lauryn Hill song is pretty intense. Although I don't agree with the theology framed in the song, I agree with the premise, which I see as this: Humanity will not be able to transend its current quagmire of folly, greed, and pride until we practice a brand of behavior/religion/faith that stops worshipping the self and instead surrender our wills in favor of charity and love. It is my opinion that the fall of Adam and Eve is an entirely misunderstood event, there was no sexual sin there, and if anything Eve was acting nobley, as a woman of vision, and should be praised rather than condemned. That felt like a rant. Moving on. John Cussack's charcter on "High Fidelity" says, "Now, the making of a good compilation tape is a very subtle art. Many do's and don'ts. First of all you're using someone else's poetry to express how you feel. This is a delicate thing." I've include two Decemberists songs, which is generally a no-no on mixes, but in the interest of "delicacy" I think we're okay.

Lastly, I'll tell you about this Built to Spill tune. Before Christy and I were dating, and we were merely aquaintances overflowing with hormones (and trying desperately to impress each other) we lived at the same apartment complex in Provo. She was known to come over to my place during the day to hang out or use my computer. One day I was at my keyboard and had this song BLARING on the stereo. She knocked on my door, which was half open, but I couldn't hear, so she poked her head in and saw me completely jamming flambouyantly to an air guitar solo (about the 3 min. mark). By the time I eventually turned around and saw her laughing at me, I was at a loss to explain my behavior. This went beyond wasting an opportunity to impress, this was shame. Luckily I caught her doing something similar a few weeks later, so we could move on embarressed of ourselves together.

1. Built to Spill - Virginia Reel Around The Fountain
2. The Decemberists - I Was Meant For The Stage
3. Wilco - Reservations
4. Death Cab For Cutie - Transatlanticism
5. Mason Jennings - Rebecca Deville
6. The Beatles - Hey Jude
7. Low - Broadway (So Many People)
8. Beck - Ramshackle
9. Bob Marley - No Woman No Cry
10. Wolf Parade - Dinner Bells
11. The Decemberists - The Gymnast, High Above The Ground
12. Crosby, Stills, and Nash - Suite: Judy Blue Eyes
13. Lauryn Hill - Adam Lives In Theory
14. Ben Harper - Two Hands Of A Prayer
15. Paul Weller - Shadow Of The Sun

iPod Squad Part 4, 3:00-3:59

Christy makes fun of me because every time I get done making a new mix I say "This is the greatest mix ever!" But here you go...this is the greatest mix ever. Colby's "Grown" is an amazing song, and I love the production of this one, with the ressonant (harmonica?) filling the background. Kris Kristofferson's latest album, This Old Road, is fantastic--every time I hear him I think of his frail artistic character, "Bud" in the film Chelsea Walls. The piano in the chorus to "On The Table" is exhilirating. Christy and I think Feist sings like an angel--the females on this mix represent! I love the line in this Pavement tune, "You kiss like a rock but you know I need it anyway." Malkmus has always had a quirky way with words. The vocals for CYHSY is very David Byrne-ish for me, which is not a bad thing. My brother-in-law Jeremy introduced me to Bright Eyes, and this is a great track from last year's double release. Is it weird that I included ABBA in this mix? No way Jose. This one is for my sister-in-law Alicen, the true Mamma. Enjoy the music folks!

1. A.C. Newman - On The Table
2. Brian Eno - St. Elmo's Fire
3. Colby Stead - Grown
4. Regina Spektor - Fidelity
5. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - In This Home On Ice
6. Bright Eyes - Take it Easy (Love Nothing)
7. The Clash - Train In Vain (Stand By Me)
8. Kris Kristofferson - This Old Road
9. Richard Buckner - Six Years
10. Fiest - Secret Heart
11. Camera Obscura - Lloyd, I'm Ready To Be Heartbroken
12. Pavement - Major Leagues
13. ABBA - Mamma Mia
14. Brendan Benson - Spit It Out
15. The Knife - Heartbeats

The New School

This belly is full of the new school
Before fingernails—
Joyfully scraping the uterine chalkboard
Before eye color—
Wherewith to bathe in warm lines of Frost
Before hair—
The follicles of protection, smell, and crush

This curve is the arc of the student
Fleshy stripes—
A wild zebra of growth
His horizon—
Contorting with waves of impatience
Inert pains—
Of hearing but not seeing the world

This firmness is a billion broken syllabi
The essay—
Whose thesis writes itself as your back is turned
The experiment—
Whose success and failure is logged with God
The last trimester—
That ends with the most blazing of final exams

Mother, If I Only Knew.

When I was younger, twelve or thirteen maybe, my Mom brought me downstairs before school and made me watch “The Miracle of Life.” This was the first and only time I’ve had the actual birth of a child played out before me. The only precursor for me was You Were Smaller than a Dot—a cleverly illustrated children’s book that explained in the most tactful of terms that there is no such thing as a stork.

I must admit. It was pretty shocking. I’ve got to hand it to my Mom. She took matters into her own hands, whereas nowadays it seems many parents circumvent the whole teen pregnancy issue by closing their eyes, shutting their mouths, and pretending really hard that there isn’t an issue at all. Perhaps this video turned out to be the best type of sex education. It showed me that there are actually some painfully non-romantic consequences to exercising the bidding of my raging hormones.

Last week Christy and I attended the second of three Birth Education classes at Jordan Valley Hospital—where Christy will give birth. They showed us four videos of births—3 vaginal and one C-section. I’m still in shock. I’m trying to wrap my brain around the fact that this will be us in a month and a half. I’m trying not to think about all of the many mishaps that can occur. I’m trying to trust that Christy will be okay and the baby will be okay, and that I can be a man and stand there as a pillar of strength, instead of a jello-kneed bystander likely to collapse at any moment.

One thought that kept occurring to me again and again was “Thank you, Mom.” Yes, for showing me the video years ago, but not because of that. Thank you, Mom for going through this ultimate life experience to bring me into this world. If anywhere there exists a valley of the shadow of death, it would be in all of the proper and makeshift maternity wards across the world. Thank you, Mom. Thank you. I should have been a nicer son.

It's So Easy

{poem was here}

A Baby's Timeline

Timeline for the yet-to-be-named Blake Baby!

Sept. 2005 – Conception! This most likely occurred on a beautiful and breezy Sunday afternoon. My guess would be the 18th or 25th. We are obliviously all smiles.

Oct. 26, 2005 – Christy takes a home pregnancy test at about 5 P.M. and it comes out positive. I get home around 6:30 P.M.—the exact same time as the visiting teachers. Christy opens the door to see the three of us standing there. I wash the previous nights dishes as Christy, seated in the adjoining room, proceeds to tell her visiting teachers she is pregnant. She solidifies her place as World’s Worst Secret Keeper. I am the third to find out. We cry. We laugh. We cry.

Oct. 30, 2005 – We travel to Idaho to tell the news to the Blake family. They smile and cheer. We return to Salt Lake and tell the news to the Bateman family. They smile and cheer. Nausea begins.

Nov. 11, 2005 – Christy realizes that she can’t brush her teeth without throwing up, which sort of cancels out the teeth brushing. We buy mints and floss.

Nov. 14, 2005 – I step on the scale and am surprised to see that I’ve gained about 8 lbs. since we found out Christy was pregnant. I feel bloated and overly in touch with my feminine side. I resolve to not get fat, and to be better at consoling Christy in her nausea.

Nov. 17, 2005 – We attend our first doctor appointment. His name is Layne Smith, and I find myself getting weirded out that this is the one other guy who sees my wife with no pants on. Christy decides she hates blood work. Dr. Smith gives us the very scientifically accurate due date of “mid-June.” We see our first ultrasound. The baby looks like a Peanut Butter M&M.

Dec. 4, 2005 – We go to Maui, Hawaii with Sam & Stephanie Larson. The Baby is already well-traveled. Christy punished him/her by eating some authentic Polynesian cuisine. The baby punished Christy by causing her to barf while snorkeling at Molokini. They call a truce and live peacefully for the rest of the trip.

Dec. 18, 2005 – Our friends Brian and Mandy Cheney scare us half to death with “Tales of the Maternity Ward.” All we lacked was a half decayed mummy with a stethoscope. I learn about afterbirth and the placenta, episiotomies, painful breastfeeding, canoe panties, and the spray bottle. That night I have a nightmare that I’ll only tell if you twist my arm real hard.

Jan. 1, 2006 – We speculate about names over dinner with the Batemans. “Shiz” and “Teancum” seem to be gaining popularity. We make the mistake of actually throwing out a couple of our real name ideas only to get stink-eyes and crusties.

Jan. 5, 2006 – I notice a slight curve to Christy’s belly. She places a sizeable order of Old Navy maternity clothing, which she says “makes me feel comfortable and cute, and goes further than you might think in allowing me to face the workday.” Elastic bands go from being unfashionably nerdy to being the cat’s meow.

Jan. 9, 2006 – Christy’s sister gives birth to twins Henry and Owen. We learn more about the frightening concept of C-Section and prematurity.

Jan. 11, 2005 – Christy has her second doctor appointment. They weigh her (increase of 6 pounds), and she skates by without doing any blood work.

Jan. 23, 2005 – We have our second ultrasound, this time at Jordan Valley Hospital. The Peanut M&M actually looks like a baby now, and we cry. The technician takes many measurements (femur, cranium, abdomen, etc). The baby strategically positions itself to not show any genitalia. Christy secretly does jumping jacks in the bathroom, thinking the baby will bounce out of position. It does not. One hour and 45 minutes and two technicians later, we leave not knowing the sex of the baby. If the technicians were to take a guess, however, they would say “girl.”

Jan. 27, 2005 – We schedule a “sex-check” wherein we return to Jordan Valley to find out at last, boy or girl. Once again, the stubborn little thing will not budge out of position. One hour and two technicians later, we find out that IT’S A BOY! We are both kind of surprised, as we had sort of anticipated a girl. Happiness ensues.

Jan. 30, 2005 – Beginning of week 20—the half-way point. Life is beautiful.

MFEO

That means "made for each other" in bubble-gum talk.

Christy and I are MFEO. There have many instances over the years where one of both of us are doing something completely strange and we glance at each other, shake our heads, and then eye the other with that you're-lucky-we're-MFEO look. Like when I walk into a room softly, so as not to be noticed, and Christy is doing some inventive, freestyle, goofy dance.

Well in light of my last post, Christy was putting out some Halloween decorations yesterday. I was on the couch eating dinner, when I heard her say, "That's weird."

"What?" I asked.

"Oh, this peice of chocolate I found on the couch. It tasted really old."

"What chocolate on the couch?"

She showed me where she found it, feet away from our decorative flip-top pumpkin that we use to hold Halloween candy for trick or treaters. She opened the lid, and sure enough, there were small peices of broken chocolate inside.

"Some must have fallen out."

"You just ate year old Halloween candy."

"We're MFEO."

Budgeting with the Blakes

Living on a budget has its ups and downs. Christy and I have been striving to make due with just one of our incomes so we can throw the other one into savings and investments. It really makes you think twice before not returning your DVD rentals on time, or buying that third Mr. Goodbar.

For the most part it has been an exercise in self control. Is our spending governed by need or want? Is our lifestyle frivolous or sensible? Can I make it two weeks without buying a CD or eating at Café Rio? Can Christy make it two weeks without buying a pillow or a new cutest-skirt-ever? I’ve had to shut down my auto deposit to Wendy’s and Blue Bunny ice cream, and I actually look at the readout screen before recklessly swiping my debit card and pressing any old green “OK” button.

A new leaf has been turned over. We now have a snappy little budget, drawn up in Excel, complete with formulas and color coordination. We’re both looking for ways to cut back. I’ve decided to save money by not getting my hair cut anymore. That will save ten dollars every two months, which equals sixty bucks a year! A $3000 savings over the course of a well-lived life.

Paramount Drifter

There’s nothing like going into a movie expecting an uncomfortable two hour bore-fest, and coming out pleasantly surprised and even a bit moved. At the risk of sounding like someone who wears pink shirts, lotion, and hair product I’m going to go ahead and say it: I liked The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. The premise was a little bit weird to me, but then again I’m not a girl, and I’ve never had a magic bond with any of my pants…except for maybe my “green jeans” but that is another story entirely.

Three of the four plot lines worked well for me, and the weak link wasn’t so bad as to ruin it for me. Don’t get me wrong, there were moments of cheesiness, and it was too long, but overall this is a good movie, and I will recommend it to anyone who got a lump in their throat at the end of My Life and Old Yeller. If you didn’t, then you’re better off sticking with Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

There are experiences you get in the theatre that you just can’t replicate at home. Right before the movie started there was a particularly scruffy looking drifter that sat down on our row a few seats to the right of Christy. We noted him because he was alone and outwardly didn’t seem like the kind of guy that would be taking in a PG teen chick flick. During a particularly touching moment, when tears were starting to well in Christy’s eyes we heard a loud discharge come from the drifter’s direction. Luckily we didn’t smell anything, but the sound was enough to break the mood. Later still, and at an equally inappropriate moment, he proceeded to yak on something, like a dog on a chicken bone, or a cat working a hairball.

When the movie was over a teen girl squad in front eyeballed us in a funny, accusatory way. Perhaps they thought we were the perpetrators.

I’m anxiously awaiting the sequel. I’m sure it will be as Little Men was to Little Women. They should call it, The Brotherhood of the Traveling Briefs.

A Joyful Sound

Last night as I was upstairs reading I kept hearing these high pitched squeals coming from downstairs. “eeeeeeEEEEEE!!” Christy does that, when she’s happy about something. This would be a good example,

“Hey Christy, wanna go to the Love Sac theater and see a Julia Roberts movie?”

“eeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEE!!”

That, of course, was before we thought about what might really happen on the Love Sacs in those theaters.

Her joyful outbursts went on for several minutes before she exclaimed, “I LOVE THIS SHOW!” several times at the top of her lungs. I decided to go down and investigate. It turns out she was watching Fox’s new hit television show "So You Think You Can Dance?" You’ve seen portions of it, I’m sure. Lots of beautiful people popping and locking, pouting their lips into a mirror, and shooting disheveled looks at each other that say You-Got-Served-nah-nah-nahnah-nah!

I had to see what all the fuss was about, so I went downstairs. While the dancers flipped and twirled their way into my wife’s heart, I went into the kitchen to make a Chocolate Oreo milkshake, then sat down to watch a routine or two. One particular dancer, Craig, who could be on the cover of Straight Teeth magazine and the Ensign simultaneously, took the stage without a shirt on. Of course, he is cut and sexy and moves gracefully.

“Man he his hot!,” Christy said. “Look at his body.”

“Yeah, does my stomach look like that?” I tried to say, but I had a mouth full of milkshake.

As Craig danced his last routine shirtless, I could almost hear Christy holding back on the other end of the couch.

“eeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEE!!”

She Gave Me the World

Christy gave me a globe for my birthday. The colors are good--deep and saucy, not the familiar pastels common to most globes. We sat up late looking at it. It was interesting to look at places like Djibouti and wonder what the people are like there, or imagine how it feels to stand on the banks of lake Baikal.

I started thinking that I would like to see someone invent a multimedia electronic globe. One that comes with a little pencil-tipped pointer, wherewith you would touch any part of the globe (be it a country, state, city, mountain, gulf, etc.) and then it spits out a variety of encyclopedic information at you. It would play exerpts of their language, the songs native to the location, interesting facts, and stories about them. While I was writing this I thought, "Doi, you aren't a genius. Surely someone has thought of this already and is making millions of dollars off the idea." True enough. That someone is "Leapfrog" and for just $99.95 (plus tax & shipping) you can have your own talking globe.

I don't need a talking globe though. It was enough for Christy and I to sit next to each other, spin it around, and point to places we wanted to visit. She likes Madeira, Greece, and Thailand. I liked Jerusalem, Egypt, and the Canary Islands. Ahhh. I love my globe.

I think we might visit Cedar City sometime soon, but we're not sure.

Herd Poisoning

On Saturday night Christy and I went to the Pioneer Days Rodeo which is held annually in St. Anthony, Idaho. The grandstands were packed, overflowing with cowmen and cowwomen a half-hour before it was scheduled to start. A light breeze carried the smell of maneur, horsehair, and hamburgers. Sitting in front of us was a scruffy man wearing a black T-shirt, the back of which held the image of a silicon enhanced blonde bombshell wearing nothing but a black bikini, a cowboyhat, and chaps. Yup. I was home.

This was Christy's first rodeo, and I was curious how she would react. She loves country music, but I couldn't be sure she would love an old-fashioned country pasttime. All questiones were answered the first moment the gate was realeased and a wild bucking bronco broke loose into the arena. All rows around us could hear her gleeful squeals. She discovered one of the highest forms of entertainment: Man vs. Beast. The evening was electric. She was entranced, eyes fixed on the competitors and the stock.

Christy had never seen any of the various categories play out: Saddle Bronc, Barrell Racing, Team Roping, Steer Wrestling. I did my best to explain my elementary understanding of how each one worked and is scored and judged.

When the Calf Roping portion arrived the first cowboy chased the calf down nearly in front of where we were seated. He lassoed the neck of the calf, whiplashing its body to a screeching halt. He then dismounted, the horse still on the run, grabbed the calf, lifted it off the ground, then slammed it back down on its side. He then snatched up three of the legs and quickly tied them together, leaving the stunned animal laying there with its hooves in the air. Christy exclaimed audibly "Oooh. That poor little calf! What are they doing to it?" I hurried and put my arm around her and tried to shush her inquiries for fear of being surrounded by a mob of hicks and hayseeds who would no doubt pull our pants down and brand our bottoms for even symathizing with a lowly calf. Christy made no efforts to speak softer, however, and vocalized again that she didn't understand the point.

Honestly, I couldn't either. In retrospect, I just didn't want to draw attention. Strangely, I found myself really wanting to blend in with these folks, with the guy beside me breathing expletives and telling jokes about Utah, and the guy in front of me with the naked cowgirl on his shirt. Luckily, I was saved by a spectator behind us who piped in and explained the history behind the event, and why it was performed the way it was. This seemed to resolve Christy's concerns, but for a moment there I was taken with a short case of herd poisoning.

Foreign Man

You want to hear a scenario that I just don't see play out too often? Here goes:

Balding man of average height gets out of bed, goes to the bathroom, gets on scale. 241 lbs. Not bad, he thinks. Man is hungry so he goes to the kitchen. Man eats whopping breakfast of eggs, pancakes, maple syrup, and butter, eats till he is full. Man goes back to his room and looks in mirror, admires his wonderfully even tan. Not bad, he thinks. Man looks outside, not a cloud in the sky. Man slips into a delightfully tight speedo, applies leftover breakfast butter to his skin. Man heads to his favorite pier to relax, contemplates the earth and the beauty of life. Not bad, he thinks.



I love Mexico. Took this photo in Puerto Vallarta, Feb '03

My Sherrie Amour

I grew up in a home where we (the children) addressed our parents as "Mom and Dad." I know in other parts of our nation you might hear a similar variation, the female parent coming first, followed by the male: "Ma and Pa," "Mama and Papa," "Mommy and Daddy," and the formal "Mother and Father." Different strokes for different folks, right?

Last night Christy and I met a couple who have a little four year old boy--cute kid, very talkative, and rambunctious. He was standing on the edge of the hot tub, ready to jump in and wanted his parents to watch so he yelled to them, "Daddy and Sherrie, watch!" It kind of caught me off guard and I tried not to laugh, because it sounded so foreign to me. He has somehow gotten into the habit of calling his mom by her first name. Throughout the night he always referred to his father as "Daddy," but anytime he talked to his mom it was by her first name, "Sherrie."

I decided that I hope my children call me by some form of "Dad." Otherwise its going to be "Les, I want some candy," "I don't want to, Les" "Les, let me stay up." I would start to feel like my wife had given birth to a Hilton, only I wouldn't have the ability to sooth my sorrows by taking a swim in my money bin. Though, now that I think about it, it would be kind of fun to go to church and hear, "I'd like to bear my testimony and I love my Mom and Les."

The Tale of Fudgie

Once upon a time the doorbell rang. When I opened the door there stood a boy who wore a smile on his face and carried a listless, vacant look in his eyes. Yes? I inquired. In broken English the boy asked if he could mow my lawn. No, I just mowed it yesterday, I said. "Can give me money?" he asked. I don't even know your name, I said. I asked him his name. He said it was Fudgie. Fudgie? I thought. As in fudge? Fudgie had beautiful dark skin, the same hue as the brownies my mother used to make at Christmas time. How old are you? I asked. He was eleven. I was surprised because he was almost as tall as I was. What do you like to do? I asked. He enjoyed playing soccer and spending time with his cousins. He painstakingly explained that he had immigrated from Africa recently. Do you go to school? I asked. Fudgie responded that he didn't like school. He was teased, bullied, and didn't understand his teacher. I put my hand on Fudgie's shoulder and expressed my sympathies. Fudgie put his head down and without saying a word, tried to scoot past me into my apartment. Where are you going Fudgie? I asked as I blocked his way. "In," he said. No, you can't go inside, I said. "Why?" he said. Because I didn't invite you in, I said. "Will you invite me in?" he asked. Not right now, because I don't know you very well, I said. Then Fudgie expressed that he wanted to see a movie, but didn't have any money. I gave him two dollars and told him to go see one of the cheap movies that played down the street. He thanked me and hurried away.


A few weeks later I was out trimming some of my neighbor's bushes. Fudgie walked up to me and asked if he could help. Certainly! I said. We cut the bushes together, working in the hot sun, side by side. Fudgie had good humor. I ascertained through our conversation that perhaps Fudgie had a learning disability. This wasn't apparent in our first conversation, due to the language barrier, but I was almost sure of it now. I am familiar with learning disabilities. Fudgie told me that it was hard at home. He told me that his father was mean to him. He said that his friends were mean to him too. I told him that if they were mean to him then they weren't really his friends. We had a good talk. I put my hand on his shoulder and told him that I liked him. He smiled. We walked home and I paid him some money for helping me.

A few weeks later my wife Christy and I had just come home from church. The doorbell rang. When we opened the door we saw Fudgie, and what looked to be a whole slough of smaller Fudgies. "They are my cousins!" he said. They spoke English well. They were excited to be visiting Fudgie for the day and said he wanted to introduce them to me. We all laughed. They said they wanted some money to go buy some pennie candies. I told them that they needed to earn the money by helping us do something. Christy said they could help pick up the fallen pears from our gigantic green pear tree. They were marvelous help. Because there were so many of us it went quickly. When all of the pears were picked up I paid the young workers. They were very jubilant, and stooped to the pavement carefully divying out their earnings. There would be plenty for all to have some candy.


A week later I moved away. I hope Fudgie is okay. I hope he continues to find employment. I hope that English is coming easier. I hope that he has found some new friends.